ch super lemons


Matt Smith is leaving Doctor Who and I am shocked, SHOCKED at how hurt I am by this. AS ONE MUST in such situations I turn to LJ. I do miss it, I am tired of tumblr and it was never going to be for feels anyway.

I always said my favorite doctor is the current one but I just don't see how that's gonna be true anymore cos 11 is all my favorite things about the doctor, 10 had to grow on me- I couldn't stand him with Rose, I didn't start crushing until Smith and Jones and mad barefoot tight suit MAGNIFICENT HAIR. But he was a cad with a shitty personality and always was. 9 was a jerk with a heart of gold and 10 was just a jerk. And I was ready to see him go cos I got tired of the bratty scenery-chewing overacting and shippy obsession with Rose and the awwwwfulness of his finale. I want a dying Doctor to make me bawl at the screen, not make me go "good riddance". Heh I already established that my crush was entirely superficial anyway XD;

Bookmakers are already taking bets on who will play 12 tho too many already famous people on the lists imo. Thats the only thing I doubt tho. Probably/hopefully its someone nobody's quite heard of but is perfectly Doctorish, I remember Davies mentioning they cast Eccleston as 9 BECAUSE they were rebooting the show and needed star power to help it make a comeback. I'm not worried, its just of course the Doctor has many facets and 11 emphasized my favorites (kind, professorial, scheming- his knowing-everything-all-along gambits were more believable, The Doctor Lies, subtlety! NUANCED acting!). And I wanted him around a minimum of A LONG TIME especially since BBC justified hiring a young guy (augh I am very nearly his age whats happening) intending to have him be the doctor for a while, man yanno, like 5 or 6 seasons godammit. And now getting only 4 which was totally my minimum. Harrumph hmph hmph.

Tho actually its interesting cos the things River chided 10 about are all things that contrast him with 11- the immaturity. HMMM. It's a fine character flaw but I don't care for characters that are 90 percent flaw.

I was at least hoping that he'd be around for at least one more companion after Clara cos... eeeh. I dont DISlike Clara but it was instantly obvious that the writers said she was FEISTY and everything she does screams FEISTY cast an actress who can be FEISTY and then in one episode she is actually described by the doctor as FEISTY and ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I did like Amy very much because she was so dry (my favorite Amy moment is when she was "proper scared" at the end of The Rebel Flesh), and then, well, Melody Pond. That was the timey-wimey-est! So I love Moffat for that and hate him for THE FEISTY IMPOSSIBLE GIRL. Bleh!

JUST, omg internet let me tell you, my love for 11 only got worse and worse, his confession to River in The Name of the Doctor followed by THAT KISS broke my heart into a kazillion pieces, I suppose this will be how people who loved a classic doctor feel NO DOCTOR SHALL USURP YOUR SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART, ELEVEN. Your impish smile destroys me every time. EVERY DAMN TIME. Watch me declare the same thing about 12, 9_9.

Weh D:
chibi shae

So this elderly trucker let me see the inside

So this elderly trucker let me see the inside of his sleeper cabin the other day and for me this was like having a great mystery solved! It had a shower and bathroom and kitchenette and the bed folded up into a dining nook and...

I can't help myself, I romanticize trucking a bit much. The open road, man. (feels like...FREEDOM) In the background radiation of my mind its something I seriously consider occasionally, but its just gotten stronger since I started this job and have to drive everyfuckinwhere. To me getting a CDL lisence is also something I think about to conquer my driving anxiety and just salt the goddamn earth. This is my way. I'm getting better at negotiating with pickup trucks loaded with cargo, and the next step will be learning to haul a trailer- I'm TERRIFIED of this but I gotta do it.

Its hard to articulate why I care about this so much but w/e
chibi shae

(no subject)

Ok have some book reviews

Sun of Suns (Virga Series) - Karl Schroeder
Virga series of 5 books takes place in a Dyson Sphere, a ball of atmosphere full of small artificial suns. My favorite thing is the really thorough exploration of zero-G weather patterns and the politics revolving around artificial gravity (towns are built as spinning wheels). The characters are pretty decent, some are more compelling than others, but definitely a read cos the Sci in the Fi is *excellent*. Man I was really starved for some good sci/fi with actually good science but it does great with storytelling and adventure too so it's a pretty good read overall. Haven't finished the final 5th book yet tho .

Permanence - Karl Schroeder
Not finished with this one either but I love this author's ideas like crazy! This is the best stuff, and I really love all that Destiny of Humanity shit. This one has some great spiritual ideas alongside the sci/fi ones that I really appreciate, what kinds of religions would survive in an intergalactic human civilization that has regular contact with evidence of alien civilizations, etc. I like the characters a bit better in this too, he does a pretty decent job with female protagonists so I appreciate that much.

Xenogenesis Trilogy - Octavia Butler
I don't even know how I missed out on this for so long UGH it needs to be read by everyone. Alien Biology, The Human Contradiction, BEST ideas and even better execution perfect perfect complete story.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms (Inheritance Trilogy) - N.K. Jemisin
The central idea is how gods act if we're made in their image so its like greek mythology where omnipotent beings suffer from all the emotional conflicts that humans do but of course the consequences are more devastating. Also the consequences of having lots of half-god, demigod, descendants of gods running around... Love devotion heartbreak etc. Honestly this is written so beautifully I cried. Its a perfect example of a story written to tell emotional truths. Hnnnnhhghgh. A MUST READ

Flora Segunda - Ysabeau S. Wilce
So this is about a girl who lives in a magical mansion with eleven thousand rooms but her family only lives in a few rooms and its fallen into disrepair because her military general mom banished the magical butler who is the personification of the home. Also it takes place in a high fantasy world based in the Colonial Spanish/Aztec war so omg read it. READ IT. I can't WAIT for whatever this author does next omfg.

The Disappearing Spoon - Sam Kean
History of the periodic table but told with a lot of spicy human-interest interpersonal science drama XD I like to read this stuff mainly cos I want to know HOW scientists know what we know and honestly every time its not even that mysterious. (Also one main reason I have zero tolerance for anti-science BS, so many of these experiments are the kind you can literally do at home, like in Neil Degrasse Tyson's book Death by Black Hole he outlines the method you can use to measure the circumference of the earth with a STICK and some fucking string. Tho I would have another use for that stick if I ran into some flat-earthers) The story about the discovery of xrays is one of my favorites. Plus thinking about the entire electromagnetic spectrum as light is neat because humans glow infrared at an intensity equivalent to a 100W lightbulb. Yesyes Im just geeking out at the idea of glowy people what else is new

The Amazing Story of Quantum Mechanics - James Kakalios
I'll have to read it again to fully absorb some of this stuff, but I definitely appreciate any book that takes the effort to make such science accessible. And then I just get SO impressed with technological achievements that have been made with this knowledge and how the stuff was discovered in the first place. Since the physics itself is pretty much pure math and the book promises a math-free explanation (tall order! But it alllmost manages) its pretty awesome to at least get a slightly clearer understanding of how modern life works. Also something about how quantum entanglement is what causes computers to crash cos they suddenly fail to keep track of all the electrons zooming around their chipsets? ;p

Physics of the Future - Michio Kaku
You see the pattern here :p future science from the future!!! I love this cos its incredibly optimistic I suppose. Covers really impressive technological advancements that are around now and what course they might take in the next 100 years. Its kind of a similar premise to that Singularity Is Near book but not... terrible. Heh.

Been reading lots due to Kindle app on my phone mostly. And actual reading on Kindle. And sometimes the Cloud Reader browser app. Kindle is my best friend basically.
chibi shae

There was actually going to be MORE griping but I got tired u_u

I've been contending with this suspicious feeling. Like... when you're going through a shitty experience and people tell you to put things in perspective (could be worse! You could be... *dead*) (how is that worse?? Youre dead you wont care at that point! I guess its worse if you're... burning in hell). I wonder... maybe people say that to shut you up cos they dont want to hear your complaining. Legitimate suffering makes people pretty uncomfortable! And well if its ILlegit suffering and you're just whining well shit you better stfu and gtfo.

Fact is, sure theres always someone out there worse off. Guess what there's people out there better off too.

I totally have a headache and everything is too loud and my eyeballs feel like they want to pop out like squishy bottle rockets. Sure its not even a migraine-I have had the fantastic opportunity to experience some of those- but the existence of migraines doesnt cancel out the fact that regular headaches suck compared to... the absence of headache.

But if you participate in reality its OKAY to acknowledge that when you are accustomed to a non-headache state that it may be... frustrating to fall into a headache state. Lets not forget the flipside where people who feel awesome and wont shut up about it can be rather hard to be around... the common denominator? The annoyed person is YOU.

Leaving people to their feelings is a valuable skill. This isnt a passive aggressive response to anything in particular I swear! Just grumpy about having to exist in a headache-laden state currently. Sigh. Siiiiiggghghghh.

I felt like complaining and then I remembered I had a livejournal SO YOU'RE WELCOME.
chibi shae

(no subject)

I really get out of the habit of... internet a lot. Though a lot of my online time I spend on my phone- window shopping on amazon, and pestering people over IM though it seems like there are fewer and fewer people I feel like talking to. :( There's the awesome part where I am logged into chats 24/7 with my phone, friends in my pocket! But eh, said friends have lives, and only a handful are online as much as I am (I need to have other people with this addiction in order to maintain mine!~)

I just do prefer real-time conversations with people, but I move and travel too much (I just moved again last weekend, wooooh. I am so. so. so tired of moving) that internet chat has been the best medium for me for a huge chunk of my life. I do email, but sometimes I just get too hung up on trying to cover EVERYTHING that's been going on pen-pal style and my attention span has trouble with that. I miss LJ a lot but most people have migrated to tumblr which is not really for journaling, and I can never keep up with my friends list anymore (tho actually since so many ppl HAVE left I noticed my feed is mercifully a bit slower suddenly).

I managed to get a real job that pays actual money so I finally bought a NEW COMPUTER, it's the computer of my dreams, honestly. I didn't even know something like this existed until I spent a day googling around just to see if it might. its so beautiful *_*

I resent the pattern of having a computer dying on me after year or two and then being too poor to afford one for at least 6 months usually, and in the meantime all my art is just, almost theoretically existing as ones and zeros on hard drives that I can't do anything with. I am unpologetically a digital artist but I feel like I get slapped in the face with the downsides way too often. I had a scare where TWO of my backup drives failed on me and so for a few months all that was left of my art was the originals on my dead laptop, gaaaaah that made me sofa king anxious. I'm gonna upload that shit to the cloud as soon as I can afford it (looking into a subscription with carbonite most likely). Plus over the years I have simply just lost a lot of my old art from using so many different computers (I don't 100% regret this lol, tho it bites me in the butt on facebook when old friends who've saved my work post it and tag me, OH BOY get that off of my screen its so ugly lol)


My life and myself both continue to be a mess, maybe one day I'll stop bouncing around like a pinball... don't really see it happening any time soon though. Shit just happens over and over. I remember when I used to be SUCH an open book with nothing to hide but that was just because I was a kid and nothing had actually happened to me and I hadn't done anything (even then I was still constantly being hurt for being so open and so sensitive, you can't really be both forever). I figured out a lot of things about myself since, and I have... probably come to terms with it ;p So that's me, still a goddamn hermit.

I want to make the effort once again though, cos I need to write about my *~feelings~*
chibi shae

the uncoolest day

I remember when I spent $1500 on my laptop after buying too many $500 computers that only lasted me a year before combusting- thinking "well this laptop had better last THREE years then!"


Worked perfectly fine yesterday, this morning it powers on but it won't boot, which means its a mobo or cpu issue which means in laptop speak "fuck you, I'm done". The questionbook is DEAD. For added irony I was going to devote today to finishing some commissions (I got an extra day off from work, wasted now!) because I really need the extra money. Now I need at least $600 in extra money for new comp, pretty sarcastically awesome. It really was a nice computer :\ fast enough to handle me going crazy with layers and ridiculous file sizes... sigh.

Collapse )

Hmm for I suppose happier news, my bff is letting me make her halloween costume and so bought materials for me and I have been working on that when I have energy to do anything other than go straight to bed when I get home from work lately which is really nice cos I like to MAKE stuff.

chibi shae

(no subject)

some news.

1. I got a job (finally! finally! finally finally finally ad infinitum)
2. payday was yesterday but I didn't get paid
3. I need $40 in my paypal right now immediately or overdrafts are threatening to close my checking account (I already lost a checking account this way a couple months ago due to poor. I really really really need this to not happen again. I totally had nightmares all night about it)

emergency commission or donation anyone omg?

Eventually I'd like this lj to turn into a real blog again and not the angsty blegging platform it has devolved into but today is not that day :|

ILU GUYS. I apologize a million and one times for being so useless, but I am super super grateful. Thank you.
  • Current Mood
    panic? panic? PANIC?
ch super lemons

(no subject)

I don't know how much this is gonna be spammed but:

I have nearly 500 hours in this game and I haven't been able to play it this year and I miss it and ohmydeargod I am just gonna have to MAKE time again adfgjsdlkjgsdlgjsdpog a new ubercharge is on the way YESYESYESYESYEYSYESYESYESICAME
chibi shae

(no subject)

O HELLO uh. I got kinda addicted to tumblr and been posting art there and I was meaning to link it for those interested ...yeah. I kinda forgot until sky_star was asking to see more art, I know everyone likes more art amirite XD;; Have fun I guess!
chibi shae

livestream off!

IF you are at HOME AT YOUR COMPUTER on friday night AS I AM-
feel free to watch me draw I guess.


Its over now but thanks for watching! I will of course make sure to post here again whenever I completely randomly stream again be prepared